A tired mind is better than an inquisitive one.

22 November 2011
and i won’t forget you, i won’t regret you.
This probably is the hardest goodbye I’ve ever said. To say good bye to someone who you know that still exists but you can’t recognize it. You tell yourself over and over again this is the last good bye, but knowing there can always be a new hello in just a second.

-
Doesn't the night just makes it harder? Especially when you have a old school chinese slow motion song playing in the background of your head. Even though you're completely clueless about the lyrics and what it meant, you're just in the mood for crying. Be it whether how much you hate the singer so bad or the music video being exceptionally illogical, what everything really focus on is the colour blue. If a picture can depict a thousand words, the portrait of a pure ocean sea blue would describe how I'm feeling now. Sounds cliche, but I cannot put it in any better terms.

I can't even give myself reasons for the continuous tears that streams down. Because I could have it all, but I refuse so. I can't believe how messed up I am right now. I can't believe how I don't really know what I want anymore. I don't even know if I should bother moving on, or even try to make the days easier to get by.

Maybe this is just me. Not wanting anything or wanting everything or both at the same time. Maybe this is just me, my personality. Where I've no voice for my own, where I don't have an opinion for my own, where I'm constantly hiding behind other's shadows. But most importantly, where I feel comfortable. How? How can everyone be fighting to fight for that light, while I'm struggling to fight for the darkness? How can fighting for darkness even be a struggle?

I'm writing off my head. Maybe it isn't do much of any help. It isn't, at all.

And the sudden realization of it being the twentyfourth again. How long has it been? Or can I safely say could have been? Of nineteen months..